


Suspended

by voidcvstiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s15e15 Gimme Shelter, Ficlet, Gen, Missing Scene, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27162205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidcvstiel/pseuds/voidcvstiel
Summary: Missing scene from "Gimme Shelter". Castiel's thoughts.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 9





	Suspended

And just like that the ground under Castiel's feet crumpled. 

It didn't disappear; it's didn't disintegrate. It crumpled. Though he didn't fall, he was instead levitating in the space where it once was. Floating in the air, he was confused, without an anchor. 

One might say that he felt like he was flying — gliding, but Castiel wouldn't be able to confirm. It's been a while since he's flown.

He stood on that ground with certainty. Certain that they were gonna win, certain that this would be all over soon and they could carry on with their lives knowing that it's theirs and theirs alone. All of them.

That ground was his certainty, and it crumpled. 

Sam and Dean had been in their respective rooms when Castiel and Jack arrived. Sam is sleeping, not dreaming, but also without nightmares and Castiel is glad. 

Jack is in his room but Castiel can not tell if he's sleeping. He was able to at one point, not anymore. He suspects it has something to do with the rituals and Jack's increase in strength. Castiel isn't certain and it saddens him. 

Dean isn't asleep. He's restless, for reasons unknown. While it took Castiel sitting on the floor in the hallway of the bunker to sense what state Sam and Jack had been in, he could sense Dean's restlessness as soon as they stepped out of the truck. He has the bond that they cultivated to thank for that, the bond he implanted and Dean strengthened. 

Castiel lost his grace, his wings, both his homes at some point and now he's lost his ground. That bond, however, that bond is eternal. 

Maybe that's what's keeping him here, on the bunker floor at one-thirty a.m., back against the wall of Jack's room, knees brought up so that he could rest his arms on them. For the first time in a while he is uncertain.

He can not lose Jack again. He can not lose any of them again. He almost lost this little family that he had become a part of but somehow they're still here; under the same roof and things weren't perfect but they were going to be good. He won't lose that too. He refuses. 

Feelings are something that are still new to Castiel. Having existed for longer than he can remember without them, sometimes it's jarring. Every time that he's certain that he has discovered every type of feeling there is; love, reverence, independence, hurt, hurt, hurt; the ground is forcefully pulled from underneath him and he is slammed with a new one. 

Maybe it isn't a new one, maybe it's just Hurt in a different shade of grey.

He has to replant himself onto that ground; even if it's just rubble and dust and rough slabs of uncertainty; he will stand on it. 

Castiel gets up. 

He takes the truck keys out of his pocket and he walks. 

"Cas? Where're you going?"


End file.
